By: Emily Carter
Updated: Dec. 26, 2014
Originally Published: Sep. 8, 2011
Feel free to judge me, but I can envision a life without children. Yes, I can imagine life without my delightful four-year-old daughter. There, I’ve said it—let the stones fly.
When my high-needs infant was around eight months old, I had a conversation with my colleague, Mike. I inquired whether he and his wife had intentionally planned for twins followed by a third child or if it was a surprise. He responded that it was unexpected but wouldn’t change it for anything.
“Really?” I questioned, perplexed. How could he not fathom a world without three children under six? Did he have a lapse in judgement? Mike looked at me, puzzled, as if I had just sprouted horns.
“Well, I can,” I declared. “I can vividly picture my life before, and yes, I would welcome that back.”
Respectful as he was, Mike brushed off my seemingly selfish sentiments about motherhood. We agreed to differ and returned to our tasks.
As time progressed, I noticed a recurring pattern. Parents who unexpectedly welcomed children often seemed unable to fathom life without their “perfect” baby—who, of course, never cried. I could only surmise two possibilities for this mindset: either they were so sleep-deprived that rationality eluded them or their partners were handling all the nighttime duties while they indulged in snacks and daytime television.
For me, it was easy to imagine moments without my child. I could vividly recall evenings spent watching reality TV uninterrupted or preparing a meal in peace. I reminisced about spontaneous nights out dancing with friends and the blissful nights of uninterrupted sleep in my own bed. Oh, how I longed for those days again.
Moreover, I could remember the invigorating runs I took with my dog around the neighborhood without the need for a babysitter or the guilt of leaving a crying child behind. I could even envision my life before motherhood as more appealing than it truly was.
Do I love my child? Absolutely. I would protect her at all costs, giving up my sleep and personal time willingly. Yet, I still ponder the question these parents often pose: “I wouldn’t have it any other way…” But would I? If given the chance, would I choose differently? Would I rewind time to undo my decision?
When I contemplate this, I pause. I can vividly imagine the freedom, joy, and self-centric life I once had, and honestly, it wasn’t so bad.
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Summary
This reflection discusses the complexities of motherhood, the nostalgia for pre-parenting freedom, and the societal expectations surrounding parental love. It raises questions about personal choices and the reality of parenthood, ultimately emphasizing the multifaceted nature of the parenting experience.
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