When someone implies that I’m not a “real” mom, I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks. It’s absurd to claim my motherhood status is invalid, and it’s downright patronizing to suggest that the only way to be considered a mom is to give birth. My incredible adoptive and foster mom friends can surely relate – motherhood isn’t just about biology; it’s about love and action. Some mothers are biological, some are nurturing, and some embody both. If you fit into either category, congratulations – you deserve a medal!
As a stepmother and a foster mom, I often encounter a few maddening remarks. Here are four I hear way too often:
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So, when are you having kids of your own?
blink blink
It seems like you might need to take a closer look – I currently have 2-4 kids in my care. Legally and biologically, they may not be mine, but they hold a 100% place in my heart. I still think about kids I haven’t seen in years; they’re forever part of me. If you can see that I’m a mom in every sense that matters, then please, keep your opinions about my reproductive choices to yourself. -
Oh, come on! I didn’t mean it like that. Don’t you want kids of your own?
So, you just enjoy being rude, huh? It’s not exactly polite to pry into someone’s family planning, is it? Want to see my calendar with all my personal details? I could rate my intimacy on a scale of one to ten for you – since it seems you’re overly invested in my life. The love I have for my children, whether biological or not, remains unchanged. -
Why do they call you mom? You aren’t their ‘real’ mom.
What do you mean by “real”? Consider what definition you’re using. I’m not pretending to be their biological mother; I’m proud to be their stepmom and foster mom. They choose to call me “mom,” and I assure them they can use any name they wish – whether it’s my first name, a nickname, or “mom.” Their perspective matters more than yours, and I won’t take away their sense of security. -
You’ll understand when you have kids of your own.
So, you’re saying I can’t possibly comprehend this experience because I didn’t give birth? Do you think adoptive parents lack understanding? Why assume your love is superior? I would go to the ends of the earth for all of my children, both current and future. I love my stepchildren and foster kids fiercely and dedicate countless hours researching to meet their needs. I’ve spent years learning how to support them emotionally and academically. I will always move mountains for them.
These are just a few of the comments I encounter from friends, family, and strangers alike. What can I do to make them realize that I love these children as if I had given birth to them? I acknowledge my role and don’t need to pretend to be their biological mother.
I am their stepmom, their foster mom, their advocate, and their unwavering support. I will always love these kids with every fiber of my being.
For those interested in the journey of parenthood, you might find helpful insights on pregnancy and consider exploring this home insemination kit for alternative family planning options.
Summary:
Navigating motherhood as a stepmom or foster mom often comes with frustrating comments that undermine your role. The love and commitment you provide are what truly make you a “real” mom, regardless of biological ties. Whether through fostering or step-parenting, your dedication and actions define your motherhood.
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