Among the many low points of parenting, the absolute worst has to be dealing with the revolting messes our kids are capable of creating around us. From the initial diaper blowout of a newborn that has us scraping mustard-yellow goo off our clothes to the shock of the first solid food poop that leaves us gasping for air and requires a mountain of wipes, managing grossness quickly becomes part of the parenting routine.
Consider the time your two-year-old decided to remove his fully loaded diaper during nap time and left his “artwork” on the wall next to his crib. And let’s not forget the notorious “two-bucket sickness,” where bodily fluids escape from both ends simultaneously. If you haven’t had the joy of watching a sick child while they are feverish, consider yourself fortunate.
Then there’s the monumental task of disassembling a car seat because your four-year-old couldn’t hold back a tidal wave of birthday cake and chili dog vomit. Nothing quite compares to the sound of that happening at 65 MPH!
But after navigating the first decade of explosive bodily fluid disasters, mysterious rashes that spread everywhere, and countless scrapes and bruises, we finally think we can breathe easy. We get teenagers!
Finally, we have kids who can bathe themselves, clean up after being sick, and whose hygiene habits are no longer our concern. Thank you, universe, for teenagers; surely, the gross parenting days are behind us!
Or so we thought. Brace yourself, because the reality of having teenagers means the grossness is just beginning. Here are some of the less-than-pleasant realities:
- Sticky Situations
I once had to stop cleaning the shower to grab a flashlight, just to confirm what I was seeing stuck to the back wall was, indeed, what I thought it was. Yes, boys, please clean up after yourselves and maybe wash your sheets—seriously! - Unbearable Odors
There’s no way to describe the scent of teen boys (and girls!) accurately. Let’s just say I’ve encountered better aromas in a New Orleans alley post-Fat Tuesday. Time to start that re-carpeting fund! - Hair Everywhere
It’s everywhere—hair seems to appear overnight, and no one seems to know how to dispose of it after shaving. It’s a hair extravaganza in the bathroom. My poor drains can’t take it! - Insatiable Hunger
Ever seen a starving cheetah devour its prey? That’s what a hungry teenager and a pizza look like together—utter chaos. Stain removers, you are my new best friend! - Menstrual Mayhem
While periods can be empowering, girls, could we please avoid leaving bloody underwear on the bathroom floor? And wrapping up tampons and pads before tossing them out would also be appreciated. - Bathroom Nightmares
If I could go back in time, I would’ve built an outdoor shower and toilet for my teenagers. Hair products, perfumes, and makeup litter the counters—it’s a disaster zone in there! - Cars as Dumping Grounds
Imagine a small vehicle filled with all of their bedroom, bathroom, and locker room clutter. Yep, that’s your typical teenager’s car. My advice? Buy an old one and let it run off into the nearest lake once they move out.
At this point, the sheer grossness of my teenagers makes me yearn for grandkids—just to relive that fresh baby smell again. I’d even welcome those diaper disasters because, in retrospect, they were a pleasant scent compared to this.
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In summary, while parenting can take you through some truly disgusting experiences, the transition to teenagers brings new, equally challenging obstacles. Embrace the chaos and prepare for the ride!
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