Updated: Dec. 13, 2019
Originally Published: Feb. 24, 2018
For the past 12 years, I’ve been buried in the chaos of motherhood. With three kids, there was always a baby crying, a toddler demanding attention, or both. It was all-consuming, and I found it incredibly easy to lose my spark. Regaining it, however, proved to be a much tougher challenge.
Before becoming parents, my husband Tom and I cherished our Saturday mornings. We’d sleep in, savor breakfast, hit the gym, grab artisanal coffees, shop for groceries, and tackle chores. Amidst all that, we would usually find time for some passionate Saturday sex. Those days feel like a distant memory.
As much as I adored those moments, I never really enjoyed morning intimacy. Tom would suggest it, but I would cringe at the thought. I was preoccupied with worries about bad breath, the need to use the bathroom, and the chaos of our home. My mind would race ahead to the dirty dishes in the sink and what was for dinner, making it impossible to focus on anything else until at least noon rolled around.
Then, everything changed with the arrival of our children. The transition from regular intimacy to almost none was jarring. I felt physically drained, overwhelmed, and often just plain touched out. Somehow, we managed to have more kids, but those moments were never on Saturday mornings.
Fast forward to now—our kids are 12, 10, and 7. They’re finally at the age where we can catch a break on weekends (until they inevitably squabble over the Xbox or the last piece of cold pizza). They can entertain themselves, and recently, Tom and I have started to rediscover our youthful selves.
Every now and then, we manage to steal away on a Saturday afternoon. We tell the kids we need to discuss something important and send them off for snacks and a movie. We lock the door, and while it’s not quite as romantic as it once was—especially when we find a stuffed animal in our bed and hear them squabbling over the iPad—we make it work.
Just last weekend, as we lay in bed on a Saturday morning, listening to the kids play downstairs, Tom looked at me with a mischievous grin. Suddenly, all my old reservations melted away. It was just us—who cared about our breath or the messy kitchen? The coffee could wait; this moment was too precious to pass up. With kids just below us, two weary parents embraced the thrill of morning sex, and it was exhilarating!
I realized I had wasted so much time worrying about the kids and feeling self-conscious. In those blissful moments, I forgot about everything else. It was a solid 10 (or was it 20?) minutes of pure, uninterrupted intimacy. Why had I resisted this for so long?
I’ve truly missed those Saturdays and my husband. Now, in our 40s, slightly fluffier than we were in our 20s, we’re rediscovering each other—sometimes, just as the sun starts to rise and the house is alive with the sounds of our children.
If you’re currently in the thick of parenting, feeling exhausted, and more unsexy than ever, remember that it’s okay. I’ve been there. Hold on; it does get better. While the youthful version of you may feel like a memory, there’s space for a new, confident Sexy Mama to emerge.
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In summary, rediscovering intimacy after years of parenting is not only possible but can also be incredibly fulfilling. Embrace the changes, find joy in the little moments, and don’t shy away from reuniting with your partner.
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