Parenting
By Laura Thompson
The other morning, my daughter lazily rummaged through the silverware drawer at 8:58 a.m. to prepare for breakfast, despite my multiple reminders that we needed to leave the house by 9 a.m. sharp. In that moment, I snapped for a solid five minutes. She rolled her eyes, told me to calm down, and skipped breakfast altogether. But honestly, I couldn’t care less about her opinion at that moment.
Just an hour before, while she was engrossed in her favorite show, I had already gently nudged her—twice—to make her breakfast. She promised she would, but twenty minutes later, as I was finishing my own meal and getting ready upstairs, I had to remind her again, this time with a hint of frustration in my voice. When I returned downstairs, just two minutes before our departure, she suddenly decided it was time to make breakfast. “Not happening,” I responded. “You’ve had an hour to do this. We don’t have time now!”
At fourteen and towering over six feet, I couldn’t physically make her eat, but I could enforce consequences if she didn’t listen. “It will only take a second,” she insisted, but after years of experience, I knew that “a second” in her world often meant several minutes—if not longer.
As she opened the silverware drawer, I gripped the doorknob tightly, nearly breaking it. “Get your coat and head out the door—we’re leaving now!” Yes, I was raising my voice. Yes, she asked why I always had to freak out. And yes, that only fueled my irritation further.
While I sometimes feel guilty about losing my temper, it seems to be the only way my kids understand I mean business. This battle has been ongoing since she was little, and my other two children are equally adept at pushing my buttons. It’s as if they think, “Mom isn’t too upset yet, so I can keep ignoring her.” They seem to wait for the moment I reach my boiling point.
What they see is a mom who gets overly frustrated about seemingly small things like picking up dishes or getting ready to leave. They conveniently forget all the earlier reminders and conversations that led to my outburst. It feels unfair to them when I lose my cool, but what’s truly unfair is the reality that many moms have to raise their voices just to get their kids to comply.
I strive to remain calm; I really do. But my kids have an uncanny ability to test my limits. If they simply followed instructions the first time, our lives would be much smoother, and I wouldn’t end up with a sore throat from yelling. You’d think it would be less work to listen rather than endure the consequences of their mother’s frustration.
I’ve stumbled upon a strategy that works wonders, though. No mom enjoys starting her day with a scratchy throat from yelling, after all! The other day, my son needed a ride to his friend’s house, stressing the importance of arriving on time to meet others at the skate park. As I scrolled through Instagram, we were running late. Watching me dawdle only fueled his impatience. When he expressed his frustration, I asked him how he felt. “I’m anxious and really mad at you. Why are you being so mean?”
I explained that my intention wasn’t to be mean but to give him a glimpse of what I experience getting him out the door. “If you can be on time for me, I’ll be on time for you. Deal?” Nothing stirs the fury of a teenager like being late to meet friends. But it made a difference, improving both our experiences.
This article originally appeared on March 15, 2018.
For more insights on the joys and challenges of motherhood, check out our other blog posts, including a guide on at-home insemination kits.
In summary, parenting can be a rollercoaster of emotions, often leading moms to feel overwhelmed and frustrated when faced with uncooperative children. While moments of anger can arise, finding effective communication and mutual understanding can significantly improve family dynamics.
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