I first discovered self-pleasure when I was around 13 or 14 years old. At that time, I was unsure of what I was doing. I had a vague understanding that touching myself was part of the experience and that it was supposed to lead to some form of climax. However, the actual meanings of those terms were lost on me.
After chatting with a friend, I felt compelled to explore this new territory. One night, I stealthily made my way from my bedroom to the living room, wrapping myself in a large blanket and settling on the couch with my legs outstretched. Once I was confident everyone else was asleep, I flicked on the TV and tuned into the scrambled Spice Network — a nod to how we accessed adult content “back in the day.”
Initially, it was a bit awkward. My underwear felt uncomfortable against my unshaven skin, and my fingers struggled to navigate the unfamiliar terrain. I was unsure whether to explore externally or internally. But then, as I continued, the feelings shifted; what felt strange began to feel amazing.
My heart raced, and warmth spread through my body. There was a spark of electricity that coursed through me until it ultimately faded. What began as curiosity has transformed into a regular practice that brings me comfort and joy.
Despite the pleasure it brings, there’s a heavy stigma around self-pleasure, particularly for women. Many view it as something dirty or shameful, associating it only with adult film stars or negative stereotypes. Various religious beliefs label it a sin, and historically, women were often thought not to experience sexual desire at all, according to Psychology Today.
This perspective is ludicrous. The taboo surrounding female self-pleasure is not just rooted in outdated beliefs but is also a product of societal and cultural influences. For example, while movies often portray male self-pleasure in a comedic light, female experiences are rarely depicted.
From early childhood, girls are often taught to be sweet and submissive, leading to a subconscious belief that they shouldn’t explore their own bodies. When young children are caught touching themselves, adults often respond with admonitions, instilling a sense of shame from an early age. This shame persists into adulthood, where women often lack the vocabulary to discuss self-pleasure openly.
Men have countless slang terms for masturbation, while women are left with a handful of awkward phrases that hardly capture the experience. Because of this, many women remain silent about their self-pleasure, even though studies show that 92 percent of women have engaged in it.
So, how do we dismantle this stigma? By embracing our desires, engaging in open conversations with friends and peers, and normalizing the act of self-pleasure. There’s nothing wrong with knowing and loving yourself. In fact, it’s a beautiful act of self-discovery.
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In summary, it’s time to reject the stigma and embrace the reality that self-pleasure is a natural aspect of life for many women. By talking about it openly and redefining our perspectives, we can foster a more accepting environment for ourselves and future generations.
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