In my evening routine, there are certain items I make sure to gather for my daughter. Every night, she insists on having her beloved plush toys: the trio of PJ Masks—Catboy, Owlette, and Gekko—along with her stuffed Peppa Pig and brother George. We even have a tiny Moana doll that we picked up at Disneyland. Just before bedtime, I sneak her a few cornflakes, followed by another round of teeth brushing.
As she prepares for sleep, I observe her sincere little prayer. She clasps her tiny hands over her light blue Cinderella nightgown, legs folded beneath her, resting on a blue Moana-themed bedspread. With her blond hair gently swaying, she bows her head, closes her captivating blue-green eyes, and says, “Dear heavenly father. Thank you for family, church, father, amen,” in a voice that resembles a mix between Peppa Pig and a sweet songbird.
After a warm hug, I sit beside her, and we listen to soothing classical renditions of modern songs. Occasionally, she resists lying down, prompting me to gently rest my arm over her. “I stuck, Daddy. I stuck,” she says, and finally settles in. There are moments she playfully covers her eyes, counting to ten in a comically ineffective attempt to initiate hide-and-seek. When I don’t comply, she switches to a serious tone that is strangely deep, saying, “Go hide, Daddy,” in a voice reminiscent of something out of a horror film.
In these moments, I can’t help but think of characters like Pennywise, but the truth is, she is simply Lily, the baby of my three kids. Having undergone a vasectomy a couple of years back, I consider her our last child. While I acknowledge that unexpected events can still occur post-procedure, I focus on the fact that this little one is my final goofball at home, and I find it challenging not to indulge her.
My indulgences aren’t extravagant; I’m not showering her with costly gifts or bending to her every demand. It’s more about the time I spend with her at bedtime, a practice I followed with my older children until they turned two. But Lily is nearing four, and I still find myself sitting at her bedside each night. Unlike her siblings, who never had snacks before bed or enjoyed a popsicle regardless of their dinner’s success, I find myself making exceptions for her.
I exhibit a greater level of patience than I did as a younger father. I’m more understanding when she throws a tantrum or sprawls on the floor in distress. I’m willing to drop whatever I’m doing to listen to her recount an episode of her favorite show or to let her snuggle on my lap while I set aside my laptop. Watching her clumsily navigate in my oversized shoes brings laughter to our evenings.
I wonder if this behavior amounts to spoiling her or if it reflects my current life stage. At 24, I became a father, and now at 35, I’ve navigated undergraduate studies with one child and graduate school with two. My focus was often on deadlines, midterms, and grading, leaving little room for meaningful engagement.
Reflecting on those earlier years, I realize I was often consumed by academic responsibilities, making me feel like a less attentive parent. With Lily, however, I cherish these fleeting moments, knowing they won’t last forever. Her concerns seem simple, and the joy of her climbing into my lap is unparalleled. Sitting beside her as she drifts off to sleep feels incredibly rewarding.
In many ways, I feel as though I’m providing her with the time I wish I had given to my older children. This might indeed be a form of indulgence, and I can’t help but wonder if it creates some resentment in my older two. They likely don’t recall the hurried pace of my early parenting years, but regardless, I find it hard to resist spoiling my youngest.
But ultimately, this isn’t solely about her. It’s also about me.
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Summary
Parenting the youngest child can lead to a tendency to spoil them, as the experiences of raising them may reflect the parents’ own life stages and regrets. In this reimagined narrative, the author reflects on the joys and challenges of indulging their last child, while exploring the deeper emotional connections that develop in these precious moments.
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