When it comes to the experience of miscarriage, loss is loss, regardless of how far along in pregnancy a woman may be. Every mother feels the heartache deeply, whether she is just a few weeks into her journey or nearing the halfway mark. Emma Richards, a mother and writer behind A Beautifully Burdened Life, courageously shared her own story of pregnancy loss, which serves as a powerful reminder of the sensitivity required when discussing such topics.
Emma lost her baby during the 20th week of pregnancy. For expectant mothers, reaching the 20-week mark signifies numerous milestones: the first glimpse of a baby during the ultrasound and the notable five-month marker. Enduring a loss at this stage is profoundly agonizing.
Emma eloquently points out that many women who learn of her loss often minimize their own experiences by saying they were “only” six weeks, eight weeks, or some other early gestational age when they faced their own losses. They frequently follow this with remarks suggesting their pain doesn’t compare to hers. Emma confesses that she has previously held similar notions, having also experienced a miscarriage at six weeks. “I’ve viewed my early loss as merely a medical incident that happened when I was ‘only’ six weeks along,” she reflects. “And upon hearing of someone else’s full-term loss, I’ve thought about how much worse it might have been to lose a baby at 40 weeks instead of at ‘only’ 20 weeks.”
Herein lies a crucial issue with how society perceives and discusses pregnancy loss. The sorrow of losing a baby, whether it was too small to be seen or further along, remains equally significant. “I may not know the specifics of someone else’s experience, nor can I fully comprehend their pain,” Emma asserts. “But there is no ‘only’ in the realm of pregnancy loss. There is only ‘already.’”
For mothers who have faced a miscarriage, regardless of how far along they were, the life was “already” present. “There was already a heartbeat, whether it was audible for a day, a month, or longer. There was already a bond formed between mother and child,” she explains.
I can relate deeply to Emma’s sentiments. Last fall, I discovered I was pregnant on the same day I experienced a miscarriage at around six weeks. Given my struggles with irregular periods from polycystic ovarian syndrome, I didn’t take a test until the bleeding and excruciating pain compelled me to seek medical advice. It was one of the most devastating moments I’ve ever encountered, yet I often found myself downplaying it—exactly as Emma describes. I was “only” six weeks along. I hadn’t spent weeks planning nursery themes or considering names. I thought of others who had endured far worse losses. In trying to minimize my heartache, I fell into a deep, isolating sadness for several months.
Because it was a loss—a gut-wrenching, palpable loss. “It doesn’t matter if a pregnancy ‘only’ lasted a few weeks,” Emma emphasizes. “What truly matters is that there was a baby who was loved immeasurably. Love cannot be quantified in weeks.”
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In summary, Emma Richards’ heartfelt expression on miscarriage challenges the notion that the timing of loss should diminish its significance. Each experience of pregnancy loss, regardless of weeks, carries profound emotional weight and deserves to be acknowledged with empathy and understanding.
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