My son, Alex, has faced significant challenges this past year. Amidst his transition into adulthood, he also had to navigate the emotional upheaval of his father and me deciding to separate. We tried to maintain our marriage for the sake of our children, but looking back, I’m uncertain if that was the best choice. Many people have warned that divorce can be particularly tough on teenagers, and for a sensitive, anxious teen like Alex, it felt almost unbearable.
Alex began to show signs of needing more support, acting out at school and being disrespectful at home. However, I always believed he was a fundamentally good person. I realized I couldn’t provide him with everything he needed; he required professional help that was beyond my capabilities.
I first learned about cognitive therapy from a colleague. This evidence-based approach is a form of psychotherapy that addresses negative thought patterns about oneself and the world, aiming to change unwanted behaviors and treat mood disorders such as depression. Cognitive therapy helps children understand the link between their thoughts, emotions, and physical responses. Sometimes, they may not even recognize the sources of their stress and anxiety. Although Alex was initially reluctant to open up to a stranger, I thought cognitive therapy could be beneficial since it would focus on identifying triggers and understanding the cause-and-effect relationship of his behaviors.
This therapeutic approach seemed to equip him with the skills to manage his feelings and clarify the reasons behind them. And indeed, it has made a remarkable difference. I am convinced it has prevented him from spiraling deeper into distress by providing him with insights and coping mechanisms I couldn’t offer.
According to Dr. Mark Johnson, a psychologist specializing in cognitive therapy, this method is “highly effective” because it encourages individuals to adopt more realistic thinking based on factual evidence. It has shown success in addressing various issues, from behavioral challenges to depressive symptoms.
Through cognitive therapy, Alex learned mindfulness techniques, meditation, and breathing exercises. His therapist explained critical life factors — such as the importance of adequate sleep and nutrition on mood — in a way that resonated with him. Although I had previously discussed these topics, he absorbed the information more readily from his therapist. Many teens, including Alex, often dismiss parental advice.
Not only did he begin to heed his therapist’s recommendations for healthier eating and better sleep habits, but he also felt a sense of empowerment by making these choices independently. His therapist illustrated how insufficient sleep and poor nutrition affected his brain, making it easier for Alex to understand and implement changes. The therapist also discussed the negative impacts of excessive phone usage and listening to troubling music on his mental state.
Since starting therapy, Alex has gained more control over his triggers. Recognizing their adverse effects allows him to set limits for his well-being. He had been grappling with feelings of anger and irritability, and his therapist’s guidance helped him visualize these emotions, equipping him with the tools to address them.
Months have passed since I last needed to remind him to eat regularly or reduce his screen time. He has experienced the positive outcomes of mindful breathing and pausing before reacting, which has steered him away from impulsive behaviors.
The benefits of cognitive therapy extend to me as well. Change in our children doesn’t happen overnight, and they won’t become perfect; even with the right tools and insight, they will experience setbacks. Nevertheless, cognitive therapy has been an invaluable resource for my parenting journey. Understanding the roots of our feelings and acquiring coping strategies empower both us and our children, who also seek to improve their lives and advocate for themselves.
Cognitive therapy has been instrumental in helping my son comprehend himself better, and I believe it has been transformative for both of us.
For those interested in exploring further resources related to family dynamics and emotional health, check out Make a Mom’s article on home insemination kits for insightful advice, or visit the CDC’s page on assisted reproductive technology for comprehensive information.
Summary:
Cognitive therapy has profoundly impacted my son Alex’s emotional well-being during a challenging year marked by our divorce. By equipping him with tools to manage his feelings and understand his triggers, he has gained more control over his life. This therapeutic approach has not only benefitted him but has also provided me with valuable insights into parenting during difficult times.
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