Updated: Sep. 17, 2020
Originally Published: April 13, 2018
A few weeks ago, my child’s principal reached out to inform me that my son had been involved in a physical altercation at school. He had been struck in the face, and while he was alright, she wanted me to be aware of the situation. I was instructed to pick him up immediately due to the circumstances surrounding the incident.
During our conversation, the principal explained that my son, who is younger than the other child involved, had defended himself by grabbing the older boy and causing him to bleed. Despite the clear evidence from security footage that indicated my son acted in self-defense, the school policy dictated that he should have fled the scene rather than engage.
According to my son, the school hallway does not provide an escape route when a confrontation arises. With children quickly gathering around, there is often little space to maneuver, let alone a clear path to safety.
While I understand the rationale behind school policies aiming to protect students, I find it hard to believe that any parent would condone their child simply enduring an assault until an adult intervenes. I cannot imagine anyone advocating for their child to remain passive in the face of inappropriate behavior or aggression.
Fortunately, two teachers intervened rapidly, and the fight was over before it escalated further. While my son refrained from retaliating to avoid additional consequences, he expressed that he had been tempted to do so. This older child had been threatening him for days, and my son had hoped the situation would resolve itself, but it did not.
I am aware that my views may not align with everyone else’s, but I refuse to teach my children to be doormats or to allow their boundaries to be crossed. While I do not endorse violence as a solution for conflicts or disagreements, I certainly encourage my children to defend themselves if they are being harmed.
In my view, running away can make a child a bigger target. If aggressors know that their victim will flee, it can embolden them to act more aggressively. If I teach my children to passively accept mistreatment, where does it end? Will they simply endure harassment from an older child before class? Will they remain silent if someone disrespects their personal space or invades it inappropriately?
What constitutes the limit? If verbal requests for boundaries are ignored, or if bullying has persisted for years, is it acceptable to retaliate? I believe it is.
Teaching children to establish boundaries is crucial, and they should be equipped to defend themselves when necessary. This does not mean endorsing violence as a primary conflict resolution method. Rather, it is about empowering kids to know when it is appropriate to stand their ground.
So yes, if my child feels threatened or fearful, he might strike back — and I support that.
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In summary, while I advocate for teaching children to have boundaries and stand up for themselves, I do not promote violence as a first response. It’s about finding a balance — empowering kids to protect themselves while also teaching them to seek peaceful resolutions when possible.
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