In families facing financial constraints, determining how to prioritize desires after fulfilling essential needs is a challenge. Do children always take precedence?
In my household, we operate on a tight budget, living paycheck to paycheck. Past financial missteps have led us to reassess our spending habits. Occasionally, we might treat ourselves to a pizza on a Friday night, but other weeks, I hold my breath, hoping we have enough dog food to last until the next payday.
We’ve come to terms with the fact that we cannot afford to keep up with our neighbors. What we view as a special treat is often a standard experience for our children’s friends. We maintain a strict budget and plan ahead for unexpected costs. As our children grow older, they’re learning that some purchases must be postponed, and they occasionally contribute toward larger expenses. So, am I being selfish for wanting to invest in my personal interests?
The Guilt of Motherhood
Guilt is an ever-present companion for any mother. Regardless of the choices made, there’s a lingering feeling of inadequacy. Bottle feeding? Surely you know breast is best. Returning to work? I hope you trust your childcare provider. That’s not organic fruit? You must not mind the pesticides.
With daily exposure to such judgments, it’s no wonder we often feel we’re falling short. When we perceive we’re unable to provide in the significant areas, we hesitate to deny our children even the smaller joys.
I don’t recall ever feeling deprived during my upbringing. My parents weren’t affluent, yet I was never made to feel that certain experiences were out of reach. I wish my children could enjoy the same financial stability that I had. The guilt of not being able to give them everything their peers possess weighs on me, yet I recognize they are better off than many.
Accepting Self-Prioritization
One of the most challenging lessons I’ve grappled with as a mother is that it’s acceptable to prioritize myself at times. Those well-known sayings ring true — you can’t pour from an empty cup, put your own oxygen mask on first, and if mom isn’t happy, no one is. After taking care of my own needs, I find that I can offer more to my children.
However, finding time for myself is distinct from spending money. Taking an hour for a run doesn’t detract from my kids’ time, but using our limited funds to register for a race or indulge in a small luxury does take away from something they might enjoy.
My partner, Alex, readily invests in his interests without hesitation. Is my reluctance to prioritize myself tied to my personality, or is it a societal expectation for mothers to always sacrifice for their families? I aim to model a balance for my children, demonstrating that mothers are individuals too, and that family dynamics thrive when all members are content. Contentment isn’t solely tied to money or belongings, but it’s essential not to neglect one’s own needs.
Moving Forward
I will never prioritize my desires over their necessities, but I’ll ensure to include my interests in our family’s equation moving forward. This won’t be a weekly occurrence, nor a monthly one, but there will be moments when my children may have to forgo what they want so I can fulfill something for myself.
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Conclusion
In summary, prioritizing oneself as a mother can be difficult but is essential for overall family happiness. Balancing personal needs with the wants of children requires thoughtfulness, but it is possible to find a middle ground.
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