“How do you plan to fund ALL THOSE WEDDINGS?” chuckled a volunteer at the NICU, peering into one of my premature triplet daughters’ incubators.
“Right now, my priority is getting them out of the NICU,” I responded. This exchange sparked countless inquiries about how my husband and I will manage the costs associated with our six daughters’ weddings. If you’re a mother of multiple daughters, you’ve likely experienced similar curiosity.
I understand the question serves as a light-hearted conversation starter, but honestly, it’s not something I fret over. Here’s why.
The question is steeped in outdated assumptions.
At its core, the “how-will-you-pay-for-all-those-weddings” inquiry is laden with misconceptions. First and foremost, who says all my daughters will choose to marry or host lavish weddings? Perhaps they’ll elope (though I’d love an invitation). Maybe their ceremonies will be intimate affairs. They could become successful entrepreneurs and whisk my husband and me away to a tropical island for their beachside nuptials, drinks in hand. (Now that sounds delightful, and I’m all for it!) Or perhaps one or more may choose to forgo marriage entirely.
Secondly, it’s essential to recognize that marriage doesn’t necessitate an extravagant reception. My husband, along with my parents and in-laws, financed my own wedding. It was a joyful occasion with dancing and drinks, but we didn’t go into debt over it. A grandiose wedding is a choice, not a prerequisite for matrimony.
I generally don’t stress over matters that are decades away.
Do you find yourself worrying about whether your sons will experience hair loss? Or whether your children will decide to have kids of their own? These concerns seem distant, much like wedding planning, which feels light-years away from my current daily challenges of ensuring my daughters eat their veggies, maintain personal hygiene, and get to bed on time.
To clarify, I do have my share of worries.
I’m concerned they spend too much time on YouTube. I fret over the potential for lice infestations. I worry they’ll never tire of making slime (seriously, can we move on from this?). I also think about dental health and the day they overcome bedwetting. I’m anxious about the dynamics of friendships and whether they’ll feel pressured to conform at the expense of their true selves.
The teenage years loom large in my mind. I worry about their self-esteem and body image, learning to drive, and having the courage to stand up for what’s right, especially when it’s unpopular. I also ponder the wild world of social media and the secretive apps teens use.
Looking ahead, my concerns include helping them finance their college education. Unlike wedding expenses, college costs are fixed and continue to rise annually. I worry about them perceiving their voices as less valuable in a male-dominated society and facing unique challenges in their careers simply because they are women.
While I do not lose sleep over weddings, marriage itself is a source of concern. I hope my daughters do not rush into marriage before fully understanding themselves, and that they view marriage not as an achievement but as a meaningful partnership.
So yes, I worry—about their homework and surviving the chaos of everyday life. But weddings? That’s not a concern I share.
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In summary, while the thought of financing weddings for six daughters may draw laughter and surprise, I choose to focus my energy on the present challenges of parenting. The future can unfold in its own time.
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