Breastfeeding is one of the most contentious subjects surrounding motherhood. For many, the well-being of their baby often seems to outweigh their own mental health. Yet, others might argue the opposite. Personally, I’ve experienced both the beauty and the challenges of breastfeeding. It can be a wonderful way to bond with your infant, but it can also feel quite unnatural at times.
There’s no singular right way to feel about breastfeeding; each mother’s journey is unique. My experience with nursing my twins was particularly difficult. Recovering from a cesarean section, I found myself pumping every two to three hours while simultaneously caring for my babies around the clock. This rigorous schedule led to alarming weight loss—up to two pounds a day.
To complicate matters, one of my twins developed a milk sensitivity, which meant that, in order to continue breastfeeding him, I had to eliminate dairy from my diet. At that time, this was unfeasible since I was already struggling to keep my weight up.
After three exhausting months of trying to make breastfeeding work, I reached a breaking point. Guilt consumed me, making me feel like I was failing my children because my body simply couldn’t keep up.
My experience breastfeeding my singleton didn’t fare much better. I faced severe gallbladder issues following both pregnancies, but this time the pain was more intense. I dealt with daily nausea, extreme weight loss, a lack of appetite, and persistent burning in my stomach. I was unwell and struggling.
Around two months postpartum, I began to face a wave of overwhelming negative emotions every time I pumped. In my designated pumping corner, I often found myself on the verge of tears, battling uncontrollable anxiety, panic, and depression. These feelings peaked during the initial minutes of pumping but felt like they lasted forever.
As the weeks progressed, I started to dread the upcoming pumping sessions, knowing the emotional turmoil they would bring. After enduring this for three months, I discovered that my distress was linked to a condition known as D-MER (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex). This phenomenon causes a sudden wave of dysphoria or negative emotions just before milk release.
I managed to continue for five months, but eventually, I had to call it quits. I realized D-MER is a genuine condition and not a figment of my imagination. Coupled with all my other challenges, I simply couldn’t carry on. I hope this message reaches anyone who might be grappling with D-MER or has faced similar difficulties. It’s such an obscure issue that I had never heard of before experiencing it myself.
We each have our own reasons for choosing whether or not to breastfeed. I sincerely hope we can support one another in our decisions, regardless of the paths we take.
For those considering home insemination, check out this informative article on Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex and find valuable resources at CDC’s ART page. Additionally, for anyone interested in DIY methods, the At-Home Insemination Kit is a fantastic option.
Summary
Breastfeeding can be an emotional rollercoaster, filled with both connection and challenges. Each mother’s journey is unique, and it’s essential to support one another in our choices. D-MER is a real condition that can affect breastfeeding experiences.
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