What to Avoid Saying to a Friend Experiencing a Divorce—and What to Say Instead

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Navigating a friend’s divorce can be challenging. Here are some phrases to steer clear of, along with more supportive alternatives.

What to Avoid Saying

1. “You can always go back to him.”
   The idea of returning to someone tied to so much pain and heartache is not appealing.
2. “I know someone who divorced and then remarried multiple times!”
   That might just mean their lawyers had a busy career, not a success story for everyone involved.
3. “Look at Grandma; she divorced and later found happiness with your step-grandfather.”
   Their relationship didn’t seem ideal from the outside. Sometimes, the past doesn’t serve as the best model for the future.
4. “At least you have kids; not everyone has that during a divorce.”
   While it’s true that having children is a blessing, it can also amplify feelings of guilt and failure when a marriage doesn’t work out. The focus often shifts to co-parenting struggles and self-doubt as a parent.

What to Say Instead

1. “Take time for yourself.”
   Encourage your friend to focus on their own well-being. What do they need right now? How can they find tranquility? It’s a tough transition, especially when they’ve spent so much energy trying to make the relationship work.
2. “Your kids will be okay.”
   When you prioritize your own health and happiness, you’re in a better position to be the strong, nurturing parent they need. A strong mom is one who takes care of herself first.
3. “This is a difficult journey with ups and downs.”
   It’s important to acknowledge the emotional rollercoaster they will experience—from moments of joy to times of despair. Remind them that they are progressing through these feelings.
4. “Don’t hesitate to seek support.”
   Encourage them to lean on friends and family who are willing to help. They may discover some unexpected allies and also learn who can’t handle the situation. This process is about finding genuine support.

Not everyone is equipped to deal with this level of turmoil, and that’s perfectly okay. Embrace the connections that truly matter, and you might even come across new people who can walk alongside them during this challenging time.

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In summary, when supporting a friend through a divorce, it’s crucial to avoid minimizing their feelings or experiences. Instead, offer understanding and reassurance as they navigate this challenging chapter.