About a month ago, I found myself back in my hometown visiting family. During this time, I was grappling with a depressive episode while solely caring for my energetic two-year-old. As a result, exhaustion hit me hard.
Although I usually relish my biannual family visits, it struck me just how much I had come to rely on my husband’s support. For the past six weeks, I had been managing all parenting and household tasks on my own while he was away for an extended work trip, which was particularly challenging given that I was also in the first trimester of my pregnancy.
Without my husband around, my little one, whom I affectionately call McMuffin, transformed into a different child. He was pickier with food, less compliant, and more hyperactive than usual. The most noticeable change, however, was his resistance to bedtime. I recognized that being 800 miles away from his familiar sleeping environment contributed to this behavior. Yet, we had traveled before without such drastic changes; a previous two-week visit to my husband’s family in Florida had gone smoothly.
It became evident that a significant factor missing from the equation was his dad. I had underestimated the importance of their bedtime routine—something I previously thought was just a minor detail in our parenting approach.
My husband and I have distinct yet somewhat complementary parenting styles shaped by our backgrounds. As a work-from-home mom, I’m an ENFP/INFP, favoring freedom and creativity, which reflects in my parenting. I like to allow McMuffin the space to explore and create, viewing strict schedules as a hindrance. My husband, on the other hand, is a classic INTJ and grew up in a military household, where predictability and routine were valued. This difference is why he insisted on establishing a bedtime routine, which I often resisted.
During his time away, my husband would frequently ask about bedtime, which I initially thought was an insignificant concern. However, upon his return, I was relieved to see the bedtime schedule reestablished. McMuffin’s dinner was served promptly between six and seven at his small table beside my husband’s gaming setup. The bedtime ritual was non-negotiable at 8 PM, with little variation. Sometimes it included a bedtime story, but more often than not, it was just about following the steps.
“Grab a diaper, Muffin,” my husband would say each night. As McMuffin grew taller, he became more engaged in this part of the routine. Over time, “grab a diaper” evolved into “let’s go potty,” followed by hugs and kisses for me. Then it was time to turn on the fan for white noise before saying goodnight—not once, but twice—before lights out and the door closing.
Initially, I was skeptical about this routine, questioning why bedtime needed to be so rigid. However, I soon realized that my husband’s management of the bedtime process allowed me a much-needed break in the evening. The time apart during his work trip helped me appreciate just how crucial his role in this routine was. McMuffin didn’t rely solely on me to fall asleep, thanks to my husband’s consistency over the years.
Though it’s not the same as being with him all day, my husband’s involvement is undeniably a vital part of McMuffin’s daily life. With one less concern on my plate, especially as we prepare for the arrival of our second child, I feel a sense of gratitude. I look forward to how our family dynamics will shift to make room for our new little one.
In the meantime, I can’t help but appreciate the simplicity of one less task.
Summary
The author reflects on the significant role her husband plays in their toddler’s bedtime routine while she was managing parenting alone during his work trip. This experience highlighted how essential his involvement is for their child’s comfort and routine. With a second child on the way, she feels relieved to have a dependable bedtime process in place.
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