Not long ago, I was attending an audio workshop led by my lovely Kundalini yoga instructor when she shared a profound piece of advice: “Go where you are wanted.” That phrase resonated deeply with me as I was folding laundry in my bedroom. I paused, set down the clothes, and repeated those words to myself: “Go where you are wanted.”
It’s been five years since my separation and divorce from my first spouse. Remarkably, my ex and I have managed to cultivate a fantastic co-parenting relationship that I believe deserves recognition. (Honestly, co-parenting awards should exist.) However, what I lost in that tumultuous time was my best friend, Lily. She was like a sister to me, my partner in crime, and the most genuine friend I had ever known. Unfortunately, during the divorce, Lily found herself caught in the middle and ultimately chose to support my ex.
The pain of losing her felt even more profound than the divorce itself.
For a long time, I held onto the hope that Lily would return to my life. Nearly a year post-divorce, I finally mustered the courage to reach out to her through a text. I had no idea if she held any resentment towards me or if she even thought of me at all. To my surprise, she responded.
Our conversation was short but sweet. She even referenced an inside joke that we used to share, making me feel that connection again. Unfortunately, it took another six months before I heard from her again. This time, she reached out to express her condolences about my dog going missing. I was relieved to inform her that my furry friend had come back home, but after that, communication stopped once more.
I missed her dearly, often reflecting on our friendship.
A year later, during a routine check-up, my gynecologist discovered a lump in my breast, sending me into a panic. Thankfully, several friends rallied around me, taking me out for dinner and offering support as I faced this frightening news. In a moment of desperation, I texted Lily, hoping that my health scare might reignite our friendship.
By this time, I had remarried. My wonderful, supportive husband, Mark, stood by me throughout the anxiety of mammograms and ultrasounds, ultimately receiving the good news of an “all clear” diagnosis. Despite being surrounded by love, I still longed for Lily.
Almost another year passed before Lily reached out again. I was ecstatic! We had a long phone call that felt like old times, filled with laughter and affection. I was thrilled to reconnect and eager to share updates about my life. The next day, fueled by excitement, I sent her pictures from my wedding. After all, she had been a bridesmaid at my first wedding, and I wished to share this special moment with her. She responded with hearts and shared a photo of her new puppy. I felt like my friend was back in my life.
That was two years ago, and since then, I haven’t heard from her again. The silence stings, especially thinking about the last message I sent her that went unanswered.
However, the phrase “Go where you are wanted” struck me once more. It had been a source of pain for years until that moment of clarity while folding laundry. I realized how often I had tried to gain the approval of those who didn’t value me, desperately seeking validation. I had spent so much time worrying about those who didn’t reciprocate my affection, from family members to old friends and colleagues.
In reality, I have always had people who genuinely love me, patiently waiting while I sought approval from those who didn’t. It’s perfectly fine for someone to not want to be friends. Feelings of rejection should not provoke anger; it’s simply their perspective. Instead, we should focus on nurturing the relationships that bring us joy and acceptance.
It’s not selfish to prioritize those who truly value you. Embracing self-love means allowing those who genuinely care to shower you with affection while gently releasing those who do not. I have chosen not to reach out to Lily again; she is no longer my friend. My true friends and my supportive husband are here for me now. I see where I am wanted with increasing clarity, and the need for those who don’t wish to be in my life diminishes.
So, my friend, remember to seek out those who truly appreciate you. Look around and recognize who is genuinely rooting for you and follow their lead. That’s where life’s richness lies, and it’s where you belong – surrounded by love.
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Summary
The journey of moving on from a friendship lost can be heartbreaking. Through self-reflection and the realization that true friends value you, it becomes easier to focus on nurturing those relationships that matter most. Embracing the idea to “go where you are wanted” can lead to a life filled with genuine love and support.
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