We’ve been through this scenario countless times. I finally sit down for a meal, and then, without warning, the tears start flowing. Not just a few quiet whimpers—no, this is full-blown, face-scrunching crying.
I scoop you up as your dad apologizes for being unable to soothe you. But deep down, we both know you really wanted me, Mom.
Honestly, I probably let you stay up too late.
I took you to your room and began the familiar cycle of rocking and shushing. Yes, we’ve done this every single day since you came into our lives. Whenever it’s time for a nap or bedtime, I cater to your every need—even if that means skipping dinner.
Yet tonight, it frustrated me more than usual. Maybe I was just worn out from the relentless routine of rocking, singing, and nursing to help you drift off. Tonight, I felt anger bubbling inside me.
I was upset with your dad for getting a peaceful evening while I continued my never-ending work. I was angry with myself for snapping. I was annoyed at the world for suggesting, “If you taught him to self-soothe, this wouldn’t happen.” And yes, my dear child, I felt anger toward you for taking away my precious evening, the small slice of free time I longed for after a busy day caring for you.
Why did I choose attachment parenting? Why not opt for an easier path? In that moment, I thought about all the mothers whose babies drift off to sleep on their own. Why couldn’t that be my experience?
Instead, we spend every nap and nighttime nursing you to sleep. When that fails, we walk, sing, and shush while I pray you’ll stop resisting sleep, selfish as that may sound.
The truth is, parenthood comes with an array of sacrifices—countless sacrifices. And that doesn’t change when you embrace attachment parenting.
Some days, I feel immense pride in my parenting choices. Other days, though, it takes everything in me to keep moving forward on this path. Those days when you can’t stay out past 8 p.m. because you need me to help you fall asleep. Those nights when I wake up five times to nurse you. Those days when you cling to me, needing me to carry you because that’s all you want. Those moments when frustration leads to snapping, and I immediately wish I had responded with more gentleness.
I know it’s only going to get tougher as you grow from an infant into a toddler with his own will. I’ll have to be mindful of how I react to your tantrums and strong emotions. Learning to remain gentle and loving, even when you might not be, will be essential. Because let’s be honest, there will come a time when you aren’t.
On those particularly hard days, it’s comforting to connect with others who share this parenting approach. To find support from those who also navigate this journey.
Those who have created sleeping arrangements involving multiple mattresses pushed together on the floor. Those who practice bed-sharing, baby-wearing, and extended breastfeeding. Those who have mastered the art of “time-in” and can offer insightful advice when a parenting challenge arises. Those of us who are stuck under a sleeping child, hesitant to move for fear of waking them.
Yes, reach out and find camaraderie among fellow parents learning alongside you.
As I pace the bedroom floor, my arms begin to ache from holding you, and my legs tire from the constant back-and-forth. I don’t think I can sing another lullaby. But oh, my sweet child, my heart would shatter if I didn’t respond to your every need—your need for closeness, your need for comfort.
I rock you and rock you, and after what feels like an eternity (and one nursing session), your exhausted little body goes limp. Your tears have dried, and my frustration dissolves. As I settle next to you in bed—because heaven forbid I leave and wake you—I gently brush your hair aside, and you let out a contented sigh.
In that moment, I’m engulfed by regret.
I regret my selfish feelings. I promise to do better next time, my dear one. I regret getting upset with you. You’re simply a sweet child who craves your mother’s warmth as you drift into sleep. I regret feeling guilty about how I’ve chosen to parent you. For this natural, beautiful, and utterly exhausting approach to parenting.
My darling, while I didn’t eat dinner last night, no amount of hunger could ever compare to the fulfillment I find in caring for you, even on the toughest days.
To all attachment parents, I see you. I understand your struggles and sacrifices. I recognize that you prepare your responses before family gatherings where you know someone will ask, “Is he sleeping through the night yet?” I know you face skepticism when sharing that you don’t spank your children, with the underlying tone suggesting, “Let’s see how that works out for you.” And yes, there are times when you might question your choice to parent this way—believe me, I do too.
Don’t allow the weight of parenting to bring you down. When others view your choices as radical, remember that you are doing the most natural, beautiful thing for your precious child. Keep going, my fellow nap-trapped friends.
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In summary, while parenting can be overwhelming and filled with moments of frustration, the rewards of attachment parenting are immeasurable. Embrace the journey, connect with others, and remember that your choices, no matter how challenging, are rooted in love.
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