I Had to Rediscover My Connection with My Child

Parenting

Rediscovering My Connection with My Child

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As parents, we often struggle to express when we don’t feel a connection with our kids. But let’s be honest—sometimes, they can be downright difficult. When our interactions shift from being occasionally challenging to consistently negative, it jeopardizes our relationship with them.

It’s essential to remember that our children are not perfect beings; they are simply little humans, often with our own traits, living under the same roof as we do. Both parents and kids have flaws—bad habits and all—coexisting in one space.

It’s common for personalities to clash, especially when faced with challenging behaviors. Parenting a child who doesn’t respond to your efforts can be overwhelming, leading some parents to go through the motions rather than engaging authentically.

What I’ve learned is that love is an action, while “liking” someone is an emotion. We can show our love through our actions by caring for their needs, but to genuinely feel fondness for them, we need positive interactions. This connection is vital; when we struggle to like our children, it becomes more challenging to express our love.

So how can we foster a sense of fondness for kids who seem consistently unlikable? A few years back, I experienced a phase where I felt increasingly distanced and frustrated with one of my children. I realized that the true challenge wasn’t with her but rather within myself, grappling with my own feelings of inadequacy as a parent. My child’s behavior and my reactions created a negative cycle that reinforced my feelings of being a “bad mom.”

One morning, I mustered the courage to challenge my own assumptions about my parenting. Here are some strategies I employed that helped me reconnect with my child:

1. I Committed to Ending the Disconnection.
   While it’s normal to feel frustrated with our kids, when anger or annoyance becomes the primary emotion, something needs to change. Kids rely on us for positive feedback and love, which is crucial for their sense of self-worth.
2. I Remembered We Are on the Same Side.
   Using terms like “battling wills” creates an adversarial dynamic. Instead of seeing our children as opponents, we should focus on the behaviors that need addressing, rather than making our kids the enemy.
3. I Practiced Self-Forgiveness.
   I recognized my unreasonable expectations of my child. I felt guilty for not handling her misbehaviors gracefully, which only confirmed my fears of being a bad mother. By forgiving myself, I made space for personal growth and change in my parenting style.
4. I Acted Like I Liked Her Before the Feelings Came Back.
   I began expressing affection and saying “I love you” more often. This shift in action influenced my feelings positively. Research shows that positive interactions, like hugs and play, release oxytocin, the bonding hormone, enhancing our well-being. Aim for at least eight hugs a day—it’s a simple but effective way to boost your connection.
5. I Kept Reaching Out.
   When facing challenges in our relationships, small gestures like leaving a loving note or tucking them in with an extra bedtime story can make a difference. If you’ve been feeling distant, consider asking for forgiveness. This demonstrates accountability and teaches children the value of acknowledging their own behavior.

I believe that nurturing a loving and enjoyable relationship with our children is essential, not a luxury. If you find yourself struggling to connect, don’t lose hope—there are steps you can take to rekindle that bond and truly enjoy time with your child.

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Summary:

Parenting can present challenges that lead to feelings of disconnection from our children. However, by recognizing the dynamics at play, addressing our own expectations, and actively working to foster positive interactions, we can rebuild our relationships. It’s crucial to remember that nurturing love and fondness for our kids is not only possible but necessary for a healthy family dynamic.