As a parent navigating the challenges of raising a child with a chronic illness, I often find myself reflecting on the well-meaning comments I receive. Many times, I wish people would reconsider what they say. It’s easy to miss the mark unless you’ve lived through a similar experience yourself. Oprah Winfrey once said, “The struggle of my life created empathy – I could relate,” and it’s true. Real-life experiences shape our understanding and compassion.
Over the past five years since my twins were born—one of whom has a serious, life-threatening condition—I’ve encountered some truly baffling remarks. Here are a few examples of things to avoid saying to parents in similar situations:
1. “But he doesn’t look sick.”
Sure, appearances can be deceiving! I often wish I could tell those who say this that the reality of what we face is far more complex than what meets the eye.
2. “They might grow out of it.”
Unless you’re a specialist with deep knowledge in this area, this comment can feel dismissive. While it’s nice to be hopeful, I already rely on medical professionals for guidance, and debating this topic is just draining.
3. “Did you not breastfeed him?”
Seriously, let’s steer clear of this one.
4. “At least you have him for a while.”
I’ve heard this more than once. Please don’t casually mention the possibility of losing my child; it’s a thought that haunts me constantly.
5. “Please don’t bring up God.”
I don’t want to hear about the universe’s plans or how challenges are gifts for the strongest among us. My child’s struggles don’t stem from a test of my strength; they are real and painful.
6. “Oh, my healthy kid is just like that too.”
I know you’re trying to connect, and parenting is tough for everyone. But when I’m discussing something extremely challenging, it can feel as though my child’s struggles—and mine—are invisible to you.
What Can You Do Instead?
If you have a friend who is dealing with the added weight of raising a chronically ill child, simply listen. You don’t need to offer solutions or wisdom—just being there and acknowledging their experience can mean the world.
For those interested in navigating parenthood, check out our related blog posts, like this one on home insemination kits, or visit Make a Mom for authoritative resources. For further information on fertility, Women’s Health provides excellent resources.
In Summary
While well-meaning comments often miss the mark, understanding the complexities of parenting a chronically ill child requires sensitivity and empathy. Listening without judgment can create a supportive space for parents who are navigating these tough waters.
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