It’s been 212 days since the health department notified me of my Covid-19 exposure, prompting my family and me to quarantine. For 212 days, I have been battling the relentless effects of Covid-19, which have disrupted my body, finances, family life, and overall existence. As I write this from my hospital bed on day 18 of my current stay, I can’t help but reflect on the 14 days I spent in the hospital just last September. With each passing day, my health seems to deteriorate further.
I have been officially diagnosed with Long Covid Syndrome—a label I fought tirelessly to have recorded in my medical history. Being a “Covid Long Hauler” means more than just enduring prolonged illness; it also entails advocating for basic medical care and being taken seriously by healthcare professionals. It’s hard for anyone to fathom being unwell for over seven months, and many doctors tend to dismiss what they cannot explain.
Given the limited understanding of this virus, there are few medical experts to consult for guidance. Like many others in my situation, I often find myself traveling two hours to a teaching hospital, hoping to uncover the reasons behind my prolonged sickness. While we know there is no cure, those of us suffering from Long Covid deserve better management of our symptoms and to have our voices heard.
Life as a Covid Long Hauler
Life as a Covid Long Hauler has been unbearably challenging. I’ve endured daily bouts of nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea for 212 days. The classic symptoms of Covid-19—shortness of breath and chest pain—come and go. A recent CT scan revealed that my lungs still show signs of Covid, even after all this time. Fatigue, brain fog, neuropathies, and persistent fevers have become part of my daily existence. Recently, I’ve been dealing with severe pain radiating from my lower back into my toes, often leaving me in tears. My new reality includes a nasojejunal (NJ) feeding tube, as I struggle to keep medications and food down.
Alongside my Long Covid diagnosis, I’ve also contracted C. diff—likely acquired during my hospital stays—and Post-Covid Gastroparesis. Both conditions bring their own set of distressing symptoms. On bad days, I struggle with uncontrollable vomiting and embarrassing accidents, which often leave me in tears.
The Emotional Toll
What’s rarely discussed in relation to Long Covid Syndrome is the overwhelming guilt that accompanies it. I haven’t been able to fulfill my role as a mother for 212 days. I’ve been unable to work since my isolation began in March, which has placed an enormous burden on my partner. I’m often too nauseous, in pain, or mentally foggy to cook dinner for my family. On good days, I can dress myself and remember basic information, but on bad days, I find myself in tears, overwhelmed by pain and struggling to breathe.
I’ve spent more time in a hospital bed than with my children these past few months, and it breaks my heart. They are small kids grappling with big emotions, and I’m not there to support them. I feel immense guilt over the financial strain this virus has placed on my family. Both my partner and I have been unable to work since March, and the insomnia, nausea, and pain keep me awake at night, exacerbating my feelings of guilt.
The Ongoing Struggle
After 212 days, there’s still no end in sight. Despite the hospital’s best efforts, I often find myself readmitted shortly after being discharged. This cycle of temporary improvement followed by a return to illness is exhausting and feels incredibly unfair. All I want is the chance to play with my kids and bake with my daughter without feeling sick.
I may not be dead, but I certainly don’t feel alive, and I’m ready for this journey to take a turn for the better.
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Search Queries:
- What is Long Covid Syndrome?
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- Emotional impact of prolonged illness
Summary:
This article recounts the struggles of a Long Covid survivor who has been battling the effects of the virus for 212 days. It highlights the physical symptoms, emotional toll, and the guilt associated with being unable to fulfill familial responsibilities. Despite ongoing medical challenges and lack of clarity regarding treatment, the survivor expresses a desire for recovery and a return to normal life.
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