This morning, I completely lost my cool. There was shouting, tears, and then a wave of guilt washed over me for reacting that way. But you know what? My kids actually tackled their chores. They picked up their clothes, cleaned the moldy cups and bowls off their bedroom floor, scrubbed the bathroom, and vacuumed the living room. In short, they did what I had been asking them to do all along.
These chores were no surprise to them; they know what needs to be done because it’s all written out clearly. So why does it take me turning into a raging monster for them to finally pay attention?
I’ve tried everything. We use an app to keep track of their chores, I give them firm reminders, and we even resort to taking away their phones and implementing other consequences (my partner is way better at this than I am). Yet, it seems that only when I lose my temper do they finally listen.
The pattern is almost predictable: I ask them to do something. They ignore me. I ask repeatedly, and still nothing. Then I explode, and suddenly, they’re all ears. Afterward, I feel terrible, and we go through the cycle all over again.
I wish I could say this was just a problem with my kids, but honestly, I struggle to listen to myself too. I know I need self-care—I should meditate, limit my news intake, and stop mindlessly scrolling through social media. It took a full-blown meltdown about a month ago for me to finally recognize that I needed to take action, rather than just reminding myself. After an entire day of crying (yes, a whole day), I finally started listening. I got back into therapy, downloaded a meditation app, and set limits on my social media use.
But why did it take such a breakdown for me to take my own advice? Just like it shouldn’t take me going full-on Clark Griswold for my kids to clean up after themselves. It just shouldn’t be that way.
I understand the “love and logic” approach to parenting. I know about setting boundaries and the importance of consequences. Yet, between knowing what to do and actually doing it, something always seems to fall apart.
How can we break this cycle? I’d love to simply say something once and have everyone listen. But if I can’t even listen to myself, how can I expect my kids to listen to me?
Maybe it’s the exhaustion from this never-ending pandemic life. We’re worn out from the constant reminders to pick up clothes, lower the toilet seat, and put away phones. I know I sound like the wah-wah teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoons, and honestly, I’m starting to annoy myself.
But if I stop reminding everyone, will anything actually get done? Will dirty dishes sprout legs? Will toothpaste in the bathroom sink harden into concrete? More importantly, if my kids don’t learn to clean up after themselves now, will they become lazy adults?
It’s infuriating. I don’t want to nag; it feels awful. But if I don’t lose my cool every now and then, things get messy. And I refuse to raise entitled kids who don’t take responsibility for their messes. Plus, I’m tired of dealing with crumbs, dirty clothes, and mysteriously disappearing spoons. Seriously, where do all the spoons go?!
I don’t have a solution. I could probably improve on setting boundaries and consequences, but that’s a struggle for me. Losing my temper, on the other hand, comes naturally.
Maybe one day, things will change. Perhaps my kids will finally figure out how to use that chores app we all downloaded. Maybe they’ll start picking up their dirty socks without being asked and turn in their homework on time without a million reminders. Maybe I’ll improve at setting boundaries and consequences. Maybe.
For now, I’ll keep nagging, badgering, and yes, occasionally losing my cool. And while I do that, I’ll also work on forgiving myself and my kids for being perfectly imperfect.
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Summary:
The author reflects on the frustration of needing to lose her temper for her children to complete their chores. Despite using reminders and consequences, the cycle of asking and yelling continues. She acknowledges her own struggles with self-care and how it took an emotional breakdown for her to take action. The article explores the challenges of parenting and the desire for children to learn responsibility, while also highlighting the importance of forgiveness in the process.
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