With the ongoing pandemic, I’ve spent nearly every hour of the day with my children for almost a year now. I feel like I hear “Mom” a staggering 288 times daily, and there’s always someone invading my personal space. By the time night falls, my ears are ringing from the constant noise, and I’m completely drained. Despite this, I make it a priority to kiss all four of my kids goodnight every evening. Honestly, it’s just as much for me as it is for them.
I don’t pretend to be the ideal mother. I frequently admit to losing my cool with my kids, especially while juggling the demands of working from home, virtual schooling, and preparing countless meals each week. My patience is running thin, and I’ve had my fair share of meltdowns. Most days, I find myself counting down the minutes until bedtime.
When it’s time to tuck them in, I often have little energy left, but I see bedtime as my moment to step away from the day’s chaos. It’s my opportunity to reassure them, “Regardless of the day we had, my love for you remains.” This is a time when I can finally give them my full attention, creating a connection that is often lost in the busyness of our daily lives.
When I’m able to be present, bedtime becomes one of my favorite parts of the day. The house quiets down, devices are set aside, and each child gets a moment of my undivided attention. Whether it’s back scratches, reading stories, or listening to their newest favorite song, some of our best conversations emerge during these peaceful moments. They often surprise me by sharing their thoughts without me needing to interrogate them with a barrage of questions. Sometimes, we all end up laughing, dancing, or just enjoying each other’s company.
Each of my kids is at a different stage in life, making bedtime special in unique ways. My youngest is my last baby, and I know I need to soak up every hug and “I wuv you” I can. With my daughter, it’s our special time to read princess stories and discuss things she may not want to share in front of her brothers.
Of course, my tween and teenager don’t require my help getting ready for bed, but they still crave that time with me. I know that my time for cuddling with my tween is dwindling. He’s caught in between needing affection and feeling too grown-up for it. My teenager often acts like I’m a nuisance, but bedtime is one of the rare moments when he reciprocates my affection with a heartfelt “I love you” instead of a grunt or an eye-roll.
I won’t lie—there are days when I’m utterly exhausted and have zero energy left to engage with them. All I want is for them to go to sleep because they’ve been testing my patience since morning. And sometimes, one more flip on the bed can push me over the edge, leading to a moment of frustration after a long day.
Yet, despite my occasional impatience and moments of annoyance, bedtime allows me to reinforce my love for my kids. I want them to know that even when I’m frustrated or angry, my love remains constant. Even if they’re upset with me or reluctant to offer a kiss, I will always be there to remind them of my affection.
There are nights when I lie awake filled with regrets, reflecting on my choices and actions of the day, critiquing my parenting. I have to remind myself that I am not aiming for perfection—an impossible standard. The reason I prioritize kissing my kids goodnight is precisely because I know I’m not perfect. No matter how the day unfolded, taking that moment to say goodnight is a way for me to feel like I accomplished at least one good thing as a mom.
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