Don’t Wait for a Crisis to Discuss Important Matters with Your Parents

As a teenager, it’s easy to believe your parents will always be there. Sure, they might get a bit grayer or adopt some outdated lingo, but the thought of losing them is often far from your mind. However, that perception can change in an instant, as I learned when faced with my own parents’ health scare.

I vividly recall the moment I was thrust into a difficult conversation about my parents’ end-of-life wishes. I walked in on a discussion about whether they preferred to be head-to-head or foot-to-foot in their final moments — a morbid topic that left me reeling. While I can’t recall their decision, I certainly wish I had been more informed when my mother was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer in 2019. As the eldest of four siblings, I found myself navigating these tough discussions when everyone else was overwhelmed.

During such emotionally charged times, stress levels are high, and everyone copes differently. It’s crucial to extend grace to one another and have these difficult conversations long before a crisis strikes. Trust me, I’ve been there. For six months, my family faced uncertainty about my mother’s health, and thankfully, she is still with us today.

The suddenness of her diagnosis meant that many vital discussions occurred amidst the chaos. Just days after her admission into the hospital, we found ourselves discussing power of attorney, medical wishes, and life support options. As uncomfortable as these talks can be, they are necessary to ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Power of Attorney: Financial and Medical Matters

Everything unfolded so rapidly. My mother went from routine blood work to an unexpected cancer diagnosis in a matter of hours. With her condition being as severe as it was, we had to quickly assign powers of attorney. My father took on the role of Medical POA, and I became the backup. The weight of that responsibility was heavy, but it was essential to know who would make critical healthcare decisions if needed.

Managing financial matters was equally important. My father, understandably distraught, was not in a position to handle their financial affairs. I was able to step in as the Financial POA, which allowed me to manage their bills and accounts, easing some of the burden during an incredibly challenging time.

Discussing ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ Orders and Palliative Care

A few days into this whirlwind, as my mother regained her ability to communicate, we had to approach another heartbreaking topic: her wishes regarding resuscitation and life support. Asking her what she wanted in such dire circumstances was gut-wrenching, but it was necessary. The last thing anyone should face in a crisis is making life-altering decisions without knowing what their loved one would have wanted.

These discussions aren’t just for aging parents; they’re important for everyone. Life is unpredictable, and having these conversations ahead of time can alleviate stresses you might not even realize exist. Instead of grappling with the unknown during a crisis, you can focus on what truly matters — spending quality time with your loved ones.

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In summary, having difficult conversations with your parents about their wishes and healthcare decisions before a crisis can provide peace of mind and prevent additional stress during challenging times. While it may not change the circumstances you face, it allows you to focus your energy where it truly matters — on your family.