In elementary and middle school, I was surrounded by the same group of classmates year after year. You might think that sharing so many experiences would lead to close friendships, but that wasn’t the case for me. Despite being decent people, I never really found a deep connection with them, nor did I forge any lasting bonds like the ones portrayed in ‘90s and early 2000s movies. Sure, I attended sleepovers and birthday parties, but when high school came around, I left those friendships behind. Was there something wrong with me? Or did I just need a larger circle of people to find my match?
Spoiler alert: expanding my social circle didn’t resolve the issue either. I was part of the cheer squad for four years, yet I don’t stay in touch with any of those girls now. Honestly, I wish I could erase a lot of those years from my memory. My biggest hurdle in forming genuine friendships during my teenage years was my boyfriend. I was so wrapped up in him (as many 17-year-olds tend to be) that I tried to fit into his friend group instead of nurturing my own. Unsurprisingly, when that relationship ended, so did my connection with his friends. (And honestly, it was for the best.)
The Give-and-Take of Friendship
During those chaotic teenage years, I had just one reliable friend—my sister. While she didn’t have much of a choice in the matter, our bond wasn’t always smooth sailing. We often struggled to get along, given our four-year age gap and the different milestones we faced at various times. However, we emerged stronger from those challenges, and our relationship has only grown over time.
My sister is my best friend not just because we’re siblings, but because she’s non-judgmental and supports me unconditionally, even when she might feel like shaking some sense into me. I reciprocate that support, knowing that honest, trusting friendships are the ones that endure. Even when it’s tough to hear the truth or to speak it, we can count on each other. I realize now that I’m a giver and a people pleaser, which can be a double-edged sword; some people might take advantage of that.
I’ve had friends who would call me late at night to vent about relationships that seemed one-sided. Did we have plans? Yes. Did they drop me for their significant other at the last minute? Absolutely. I’ve been on both sides of this, but I learned how disappointing it is to feel neglected and have tried not to repeat those mistakes. There was also a friend who leaned heavily on my emotional support while navigating her complicated family dynamics. I had a big heart, and I wanted to help, but when I introduced her to another friend, I suddenly felt unimportant.
A Small but Strong Circle
Over time, I’ve grown cautious when it comes to friendships. I engage in small talk but keep a safe distance. In the last five years, besides my sister, only two remarkable friends have managed to break down my walls. I met one in 2016; we share our lives, vent together, and celebrate each other’s successes. Although we only meet about once a month, it feels effortless and natural. The other friend, whom I’ve known for three years, is a colleague. Even though she took maternity leave recently (how dare she, right?), we’ve maintained a solid connection.
True friendships require effort from both sides. Like any relationship, they flourish when both parties are invested. So, don’t fret if you struggle with making friends. It simply means you haven’t yet found your tribe. Once you do, cherish and appreciate them, and they will do the same for you.
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Summary
Navigating friendships can be challenging, especially when past experiences leave you feeling guarded. While childhood and teenage friendships might not last, finding true connections as an adult is possible. Cherish those relationships that matter and remember that genuine friendship is a two-way street.
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