One of my friends recently tied the knot for the second time. She had a breathtaking ceremony, complete with a flowing white gown and veil. Her bridesmaids looked stunning, and she spent significantly more on this wedding than her first, despite the smaller guest list due to COVID-19 restrictions. The reception was extravagant, featuring elegant cuisine, and the festivities stretched late into the night.
This past summer, she hosted a larger reception for those who missed the initial event. While it was beautiful and exactly what she desired — her first marriage was far from ideal, and this celebration symbolized her newfound love — I felt no inclination to replicate that experience for myself.
Having been married for nearly two decades, we enjoyed a fulfilling life together, but ultimately agreed our journey had come to an end. The love had faded, and it began to impact our children. My wedding day remains one of the most enchanting moments of my life. Back in my 20s, I envisioned the perfect wedding and worked tirelessly to make it a reality. I financed it myself, took on a lot of the planning, and everything came together just as I’d dreamed.
Even now, we maintain a strong family connection, despite both being in loving relationships. We co-parent effectively and have remained friends. My boyfriend has expressed a desire to marry someday, bringing it up again while we watched an outdoor wedding recently. However, I find myself disinterested in the idea of marriage again.
Years have passed since my divorce was finalized. I’ve been with my partner for a substantial time, and we’ve created something meaningful together. As friends and family begin to question why we aren’t married or why I never discuss marriage, I feel compelled to clarify.
“Don’t you want to share your life with someone?”
“Isn’t it time you stop calling him your boyfriend?”
“Wouldn’t it be exciting to have another wedding?”
To me, I am sharing my life. I don’t require a contract or a ring to validate that connection. And no, age should never dictate what you can or cannot do — whether that’s having a boyfriend, multiple partners, or even living independently.
As for the idea of hosting another wedding, I’d rather eat pig’s feet than deal with the expenses, time, and effort involved. At this point in my life, a party wouldn’t solidify anything for me. I cherish my independence, wanting the freedom to exit a relationship without the complications of an expensive divorce.
Some suggest my divorce dimmed my spark, but to me, it was a wake-up call. Life is uncertain, and relationships can end. When my ex and I exchanged vows, we believed it would last forever — a belief that eventually proved false, which was more disheartening than the end of our relationship. It served as a reminder that nothing in life is guaranteed.
I’m not bitter about my past; instead, I feel more clarity than ever. Choosing not to marry again doesn’t mean I don’t value love or happiness. While many couples see marriage as a rite of passage to celebrate their love, I simply don’t feel that it’s right for me.
There’s a common misconception that all women aspire to marriage by a certain age, and many assume that divorced women are eager to remarry. This is far from the truth. Some of us feel fulfilled without needing a wedding to affirm our bond.
That said, I acknowledge that my perspective might change in the future. For now, I am happy in my relationship, and that’s more than enough for me. This is one of our other blog posts, which you might find interesting as well.
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In summary, not all divorced women desire to marry again, and many find fulfillment in their relationships without the need for formal commitments. Each individual’s journey is unique, shaped by their past experiences and current desires.
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