As the holiday season rolls around, it’s that special time of year when families come together to celebrate with loved ones. With all the holiday gatherings on your schedule, it’s easy to forget that our kids should never feel pressured to hug relatives, no matter the occasion. Setting clear boundaries is crucial.
We’ve all been told how essential it is to teach our children about consent and body autonomy. But how do we navigate that when it comes to visiting Grandma or playing with their favorite cousins? What if a child isn’t comfortable with hugs? According to Dr. Emily Hart, a child psychologist, “When we force a child to hug someone, they may start to feel like they have no control over their own body. By telling them to ‘give Aunt Mary a hug,’ we’re not really asking for their consent and might make them feel uncomfortable.”
You might wonder why this matters so much. After all, isn’t it just a hug? Dr. Emily explains, “If we condition our kids to comply with hugs, it can send a dangerous message. We don’t want them to think they have to go along with unwanted physical contact, especially in situations that could be harmful. It’s vital to reinforce that physical touch should never be coerced.”
We often think that asking our kids to show affection to family members is a sign of respect, but this can create confusion. It’s time to change that narrative and support our kids when they choose not to engage in physical affection. We should remind ourselves that it’s perfectly fine for our little ones to say no to hugs, kisses, or even sitting on laps.
Before heading to any family gatherings, have a chat with your kids about what they’re comfortable with. Let them know that it’s perfectly okay to set their boundaries. For example, saying things like, “We let Mia decide how she wants to show affection,” or “Liam prefers a fist bump to a hug,” reinforces their right to choose. Dr. Sarah Johnson suggests that having these conversations beforehand can ease anxiety for both kids and parents, making the holiday experience more enjoyable.
After a couple of years where physical affection was limited due to COVID, stepping into a family gathering might feel a bit overwhelming for our kids. Dr. Sarah encourages us to reassure our children—and ourselves—that it’s okay to have new feelings and boundaries during these gatherings.
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In summary, it’s essential to respect our kids’ boundaries during holiday gatherings by allowing them to choose how they express affection. By having open conversations about comfort levels and reinforcing their autonomy, we can help create a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

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