Let’s be real for a second: none of us have this parenting gig down to a science. Those who claim they do might just have figured out what works for their kiddos, but every parent-child relationship is its own unique journey. We all carry over some parenting methods from our own upbringing while leaving behind others that didn’t quite work. As we evolve, so does our understanding of what discipline really means compared to what crosses into harmful territory. So, for all of us navigating this wild ride of parenthood (including myself), here are seven parenting habits that could be doing more harm than good.
Rethinking Physical Discipline
How many times have we heard someone say, “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about”? Or the classic “Knock it off, or you’re getting a spanking”? In moments of frustration, it’s tempting to resort to physical discipline. However, responding with compassion and empathy can make a lasting difference for our kids. Remember, any practice that resorts to abuse is not the answer.
Stifling Emotional Expression
“Just toughen up” or “Crying is for babies” are phrases many of us have heard, but let’s be clear: crying is not just for babies. When we discourage our little ones from expressing their feelings, we set them up to carry that emotional suppression into adulthood. I can’t say that my self-deprecating tendencies were entirely due to my childhood, but it definitely didn’t help when I was told to “stop bragging” about my accomplishments.
Oversharing Kids’ Lives
This isn’t about being malicious, but oversharing can betray your child’s trust. Some things are better kept private, especially when kids confide in you. They offer you their trust, which is priceless. Don’t break that bond; if they can’t trust you with their secrets now, who will they rely on in the future?
Using Negative Language
It’s one thing to vent about your kid’s meltdown in aisle six, but calling them derogatory names is a whole different ballgame. How we speak to them matters. If they hear negative labels from us, it sets a standard for how they might expect to be treated by friends and future partners.
Commenting on Their Appearance
Making comments about your child’s body, even with good intentions, can be damaging. Whether they’re too skinny or too chubby, remarks about their appearance can stick with them. Children are constantly changing, so it’s best to keep your opinions about their looks to yourself.
Ignoring Their Boundaries
We often talk about the importance of boundaries for ourselves, so why should it be any different for our kids? Allowing them to assert their autonomy helps build confidence and independence. If they express a desire to do something independently (not including dangerous tasks, of course), let them go for it. Ignoring their boundaries now could teach them to let others overstep in the future.
Celebrating Only the Wins
Sure, we celebrate when our kids ace a test, but what about the times they don’t? Maybe they tried out for a sport and didn’t enjoy it. It’s crucial to acknowledge their efforts, even if they didn’t succeed. Encouraging them to step outside their comfort zone is just as important as celebrating their victories.
While there are many other parenting practices worth reconsidering, focusing on these seven is a great starting point. Remember, no one knows your child and your unique relationship better than you. So, customize your approach and strive to raise kind, empathetic, and well-adjusted humans.
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