Laugh Off Your Pre-Colonoscopy Nerves with These Jokes!

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Let’s face it, colonoscopies are often a hot topic for jokes, and for good reason! Humor can really help lighten the mood, especially when you’re about to go through a procedure that may leave you feeling a bit uneasy. Whether it’s jokes about the procedure being a “pain in the ass” or wondering if the results will indicate you’re “full of crap,” laughter can act as a great stress reliever. So, if you’re gearing up for your first colonoscopy, relax! Your doctor has seen it all before, and you can find comfort in knowing that getting screened is an important step for your health.

Next time you or someone you care about is facing this essential screening, try sharing a few of these colonoscopy puns to ease the tension. And if you’re the one with the appointment, congratulations on taking charge of your health! Here are some humorous quips to help keep those nerves at bay:

1. Colonoscopy are crucial—they help doctors really get to the bottom of your health concerns.
2. My cousin has a colonoscopy scheduled this afternoon. Butt don’t worry; he should be just fine.
3. I just got a bill from my doctor for the bowel prep before my colonoscopy. Man, that sh*t was pricey!
4. My sister was supposed to have a colonoscopy today, but she said it got postponed due to COVID. I told her not to fret; she’ll still get it in the end.
5. What kind of camera do doctors use for colonoscopies? GoProbes!
6. My buddy asked me what happens during a colonoscopy. I began to explain, but it turned into a pain in the ass!
7. My colonoscopy wasn’t the highlight of my life, but it was definitely up there.
8. After my colonoscopy, I jokingly asked my doctor and nurses if I could list them as references on my resume.
9. After all, they’re the only ones who truly know me inside and out!
10. I forgot to pay my colonoscopy bill. Now I’m in arrears!
11. My doctor says I have to schedule a colonoscopy next week. What a bummer!
12. Let’s hope your doctor has a comeback ready for your colonoscopy joke.
13. Everything went according to plan during my colonoscopy, but it was quite a sh*tshow.
14. My uncle had a colonoscopy and later needed surgery to remove a tumor in his colon. Now he has a semi-colon.
15. I had a colonoscopy recently, and believe it or not, the camera part wasn’t as bad as I thought. It’s the crew that’s killer!
16. I have inner beauty—and the colonoscopy video to prove it!
17. What do you call an Irish proctologist? Colin O’Scopy!
18. I’m sick of being the butt of all these colonoscopy jokes.
19. As a trainee proctologist, I had to work my way up from the bottom!
20. Three guys are chatting at a bar about how their cars reflect their careers. One says, “I’m a museum docent, so I drive a cheap Escort.” The second guy says, “I’m a herpetologist, so I drive a Dodge Viper.” The third guy pipes in, “I’m a proctologist, and I drive a brown Probe.”
21. I just saw the video of my colonoscopy. The picture was crap.
22. After my colonoscopy, the proctologist asked if I had questions. Apparently, “Do you do birthday parties?” was the wrong answer.
23. I’ve been sitting in the doctor’s office for an hour waiting for my colonoscopy. Guess they’re really backed up today!
24. I got one of those at-home colonoscopy tests. The results were really hard to swallow.
25. What did the dog say to the man after his colonoscopy? “Rough.”
26. How do you toast someone drinking their colonoscopy prep? “Bottoms up!”
27. Did you hear about the golfer who started a colonoscopy clinic? He does 18 holes a day!
28. What should the real name for a colonoscopy be? A colonoscopoo!
29. I had to go to the hospital for a gastroscopy today. There were three other guys waiting with me. The doctor came in and explained the procedures. He mentioned I was having a gastroscopy, and the others were there for a colonoscopy. I asked, “Can I go first?”
30. My doctor told me he found something alarming in my colonoscopy—a clock!
31. I had a colonoscopy yesterday, and I think the doctor must’ve gotten carried away. I said, “Can you back that up a little? It’s irritating my tonsils.”
32. Did you hear about the psychiatrist and proctologist who opened a practice together? They called it “Odds and Ends.”
33. “Straight ahead for a bit, then there’s a sharp left, so take it slowly,” I said. “The screen is for my benefit, Mrs. Jones, and this isn’t my first colonoscopy.”
34. A proctologist is about to write something in his patient’s notes, but when he goes to take out his pen, he realizes it’s actually his thermometer. He says, “Darn, some a**hole has my pen!”
35. A man gets released from his first colonoscopy to the recovery room. His wife and doctor arrive to discuss the results. Before the doctor can say anything, the wife asks, “Did you find his head?”
36. I recently had a colonoscopy, and I learned that my wife is wrong; my head is not up there!

So, whether you’re gearing up for your own colonoscopy or supporting someone else, don’t forget to lighten the mood with a good laugh. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, check out the helpful resources at Make a Mom or explore how it works here. Plus, if you’re interested in a sperm donor matching group, join Make a Mom on Facebook for more support. And for a comprehensive guide on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Kindbody.

Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even before a colonoscopy!