Not too long ago, I found myself in the awkward position of needing to end a friendship. I tried dodging her invites with the classic “I have to wash my hair” line countless times, hoping she’d take the hint. Spoiler alert: she didn’t. Eventually, I opted for the direct approach and sent her a text.
I still have that message saved on my phone, though I can’t quite explain why. It reads: “I don’t feel the same way about our friendship since you treated your daughter that way, and I can’t shake it off. Meeting up makes me uncomfortable and anxious. My mental health comes first, so it’s best for me if we stop hanging out. Sorry.” Looking back, that attempt at honesty makes my neck tense up. Apparently, I didn’t handle it as gracefully as I thought.
Experts suggest a more thoughtful approach when ending friendships. For instance, Rachel Morgan, a therapist based in New York, emphasizes that you should meet in person. But Guy Thompson, another psychologist from NYC, says a text might work if the friendship is relatively new. Well, I definitely dropped the ball here; our friendship had been going strong for almost a decade, and I should have respected that more.
Another piece of advice I overlooked was to acknowledge the value of the friendship. Ahona Patel, a psychologist, suggests stating how meaningful the friendship was before explaining why you need to step back. I completely missed that part because I was so focused on my feelings. She had been a crucial support during my struggles with anxiety and depression, and I should have expressed my gratitude. Instead, I just barreled through without giving it a second thought.
And let’s not even talk about how I framed my reasons. Andrea Lee, a clinical psychologist, advises making it about your own needs rather than pointing out the other person’s flaws. My breakup text was the exact opposite. I made it all about how she fell short instead of focusing on my own discomfort. I thought I was being proactive by texting instead of ghosting her, but a little research on how to break up with a friend could have saved us both a lot of heartache. Would I do it differently next time? Definitely. Do I hope there won’t be a next time? Yes, please.
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In summary, breaking up with a friend is tricky and often uncomfortable. I learned that honesty is important, but how you express that honesty matters too. Next time, I’ll aim for a kinder, more thoughtful approach.
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