I’m absolutely stunned that none of you warned me about pinworms. Apparently, half of American children will experience them, yet my circle of parent friends remained silent.
“Hey, at least we don’t have to tape our butts every morning for three days to check for them,” my husband joked, trying to ease my panic with a bizarre silver lining, but it didn’t help. “I think my butt is itchy,” was all I could reply. The itching began the moment he showed me that disturbing image of poop with worms, which looked eerily similar to what we had just discovered in my daughter’s underwear. “They’re pinworms. We probably all have them,” he said.
What Are Pinworms?
Pinworms?! You might be asking, “What the heck are pinworms and why haven’t I heard of them?” I thought the same. According to the CDC, 50% of American children will get them, yet no one prepared me for this. Forget about Bruno; it seems we don’t talk about pinworms! That’s why I’m sharing my cautionary tale filled with humor and horror about these pesky butt worms, the frantic pharmacy visits, sleepless nights, and endless laundry, so you’ll be ready when your child mentions an itchy backside in the middle of the night.
The Beginning of the Chaos
It all started on a Thursday during lunch when I received a call from the school nurse saying my 7-year-old son had thrown up. He seemed fine afterward, but later that night, he woke up scratching his rear and couldn’t settle back to sleep. We spent a confusing weekend before contacting our pediatrician, who suggested possible hemorrhoids or an anal fissure and scheduled a visit.
That night, my 5-year-old daughter climbed into bed with us, and I was hit by a terrible smell. “Did you go to the bathroom?” I whispered. “No,” she yawned, but I knew something was off. I asked her to follow me to the bathroom, and much to our surprise, she had indeed soiled her underwear in her sleep.
That’s when I spotted them—tiny white strings resembling the ends of alfalfa sprouts. “What the heck is that?” I gasped, trying to remain calm. I helped clean her up and called my husband in. A frantic gesture directed him to the evidence still on the sink. After a quick assessment, he retreated to our bedroom, and I felt relieved knowing he would figure this out.
“What was that?” I whispered, and he gravely replied, “They’re pinworms,” while showing me a similar photo from his phone. “We probably all have them,” he added, and I immediately felt a new itch. “Common signs include itching around the anus and restless sleep,” he informed me, and suddenly everything made sense about my son’s behavior.
“Why just at night?” I asked, dreading the answer. “They come out to lay eggs around the anus at night,” he explained. “They spread when humans ingest their eggs, which can survive on surfaces for weeks.” We decided it was best not to disclose this worm situation to the kids. They didn’t need to be terrified; we would simply refer to it as an “infection.”
The Frantic Search for Solutions
That night, I discovered worms in my own stool, leading to frantic texts to friends, starting with “THERE ARE WORMS IN MY BUTT.” Responses ranged from horror to curiosity, and a couple of mom friends admitted they had also dealt with pinworms. Why didn’t anyone tell me?!
When the pediatrician’s office opened, I informed the nurse of our dramatic situation, and she advised us to get over-the-counter pinworm medication. All four of us needed to take it, and we’d have to take a second dose in two weeks. We were also told to implement an aggressive hygiene routine, including washing all bedding daily, not reusing towels, and frequent vacuuming.
As I searched the shelves at Walgreens, I couldn’t find the medication. With embarrassment, I approached the pharmacy counter, where an employee remarked, “It’s usually right here. Must be an outbreak.” Panic surged through me, but thankfully, there were two boxes left. “For the whole family,” it read.
Once home, I quickly opened the package and discarded the instructions to avoid my kids seeing “worms.” However, as I measured doses, I realized there wasn’t enough for all four of us. The humiliation of returning to Walgreens for more was too much, so I drove to another store instead, where again, only two boxes remained.
Finding Humor in the Chaos
Once we all took the medication, we had to wait 48-72 hours for it to work. I found humor in the situation, especially when a friend shared Kristen Bell’s amusing pinworm saga. “I’d sleep naked with a floodlight on my backside,” one friend joked.
While I tried to laugh, I couldn’t shake the thought of the worms inside us. My children began calling for me to inspect their poop before flushing. “Poop inspection!” became a new family phrase. I never checked my husband’s, but he claimed he didn’t see any worms.
Finally, it was time for our second dose, and thankfully, we hadn’t been reinfected. The chaos of laundry returned to our lives, and while this ordeal began fading into memory, I still check my poop every morning. The other day, I spotted some white strings and recalled I had eaten sprouts, which brought a sigh of relief.
Further Reading
Want to explore more? Check out this blog post for further insights on home insemination kits and their uses. Also, if you’re looking for more information, visit Make A Mom for an authoritative take on related topics, or check out this resource on female infertility.
Search Queries:
- What are pinworms?
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- How to treat pinworms at home?
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In summary, the unexpected encounter with pinworms was a shocking revelation that left me both horrified and amused. I learned the importance of awareness and hygiene while navigating the humorous aspects of parenting.
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