Many years ago, I held a rather naive understanding of hemorrhoids. Back in those days when I could rise from bed without the aid of pain relievers, I viewed hemorrhoids as one of life’s most repulsive afflictions. I thought, “If I ever faced that embarrassment, I don’t know how I’d cope!” I associated hemorrhoids with older adults, those who struggled with weight issues, and individuals who skimped on hygiene. In short, I thought hemorrhoids were for others, not me.
Then came pregnancy.
It’s a well-known fact among expectant mothers that hemorrhoids are an almost inevitable part of the journey to motherhood. Carrying an extra forty to sixty pounds? You can bet that’s a recipe for hemorrhoids. That pressure from your growing uterus? Definitely a contributor to those pesky bumps. And let’s not forget the struggles of labor—bearing down for what feels like an eternity, only to be met with a hard, pebble-sized stool? Yup, that’s a hemorrhoid waiting to happen.
Interestingly, hemorrhoids can also appear postpartum, thanks to the physical strain of delivery. Welcome to motherhood, right? For many women, pregnancy is their unwelcome introduction to this condition, and I’m no exception. I quickly learned about the two types of hemorrhoids. The “external” ones are the more recognizable, bulging, itchy, and sometimes painful manifestations that send you scrambling for a cushion designed specifically for relief.
Then there are “internal” hemorrhoids. These are less visible but don’t let that fool you! They often bring with them the alarming experience of bright red bleeding, prompting thoughts like:
- Am I getting my period?
- Wait, out of my backside?
- Oh no, this isn’t my period.
- It’s definitely bleeding from my anus.
- Oh my goodness, I’m bleeding from my behind!
- This can only mean one thing…
- It must be…
- NO, not butthole cancer!
Just when you’re about to share this dire news with your loved ones, you remember to consult WebMD (again). After inputting your symptoms (again), you’re met with the same diagnosis: hemorrhoids. And so the cycle continues.
Unfortunately, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that hemorrhoids are just part of my life now. I don’t experience them with the same stigma as before. Instead, my thoughts have shifted to:
- Not this again.
- Was that food too spicy?
- I’m sure that dish wasn’t “mild.”
- Ouch.
- Is this toilet paper or did someone just sandblast my behind?
- Where’s the Tucks?
- Almost there…
- Honey, where’s the cushion?
- What do you mean “what cushion?”
In essence, hemorrhoids have become an irritating yet familiar part of my existence. They’ve made themselves too comfortable in my life, to the point where I sometimes feel I should just welcome them. So here’s to hemorrhoids, an uncomfortable yet ever-present reality.
For those navigating the journey of pregnancy and beyond, you may find helpful resources like IVF Babble for pregnancy support, as well as insights on home insemination kits at Make a Mom. For a more comprehensive approach, check out Make a Mom’s 21-piece at-home insemination kit for additional guidance.
In summary, the experience of dealing with hemorrhoids may be uncomfortable, but it is a common issue many face, especially during and after pregnancy.
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