There are those stories that make the news about women who disappear, only to be discovered living an entirely different life. Their motivation? A desire to escape the burdens of motherhood.
Selfish, you might think. Cowardly even. How could a mother ever abandon her children? But I can relate. Just yesterday, I found myself daydreaming about running away. Of course, I’d never actually do it; at the end of the day, I cherish my kids and my life with all my heart. But fantasies can be a welcome escape, can’t they?
Yes, there are moments when I envision what it would feel like to break free from the responsibilities of being a mom. Not permanently, just for a few days or even a few hours.
Yesterday was one of those days when the demands of caring for three little ones became utterly overwhelming. It was filled with whining toddlers, feuding siblings, and an infant who simply refused to sleep longer than 25 minutes. I endured 12 hours of listening to endless tales of who did what, wiping runny noses, soothing cries, and rocking a fussy baby. My two-year-old cried if I stepped out of her sight, my four-year-old threw a fit over the wrong color spoon, and my two-month-old had a strong aversion to any baby seat or swing.
I felt exhausted, my mind weary. A headache throbbed from the constant shushing and bouncing that ultimately proved futile. The imbalance in the give-and-take of parenting felt insurmountable.
You win, motherhood. I surrender.
In that moment, I found myself reminiscing about life before kids, longing for the freedom that came with it. As I stirred butter into the mac and cheese, memories of a quiet house, 15-minute showers, and days without sticky hands came rushing back.
Am I complaining? Yep, you’ve got it. Does that make me a bad mom? I hope not. I’d rather think it makes me human—honest. After all, parenting is an incredibly challenging role; why must we pretend it’s all sunshine and rainbows? There are days when you simply don’t like your kids and want to throw in the towel, yet the love you have for them keeps you going despite the chaos.
Now, before the judgmental parents come out to criticize my feelings, let me clarify: I don’t feel this way every day. In fact, such moments are rare. My usual calm disposition often helps me navigate through the toughest times. Becoming a parent was a choice I made deliberately three times, and I view it as my most significant role in life. I know how fortunate I am to have healthy children and a supportive partner. Nevertheless, that doesn’t negate the exhausting nature of parenting or the days that can feel utterly draining.
I understand the phrases like “this too shall pass” and “they’re only little once,” but on days like yesterday, such sentiments don’t provide the comfort I need to get through to bedtime.
When chaos reigns and the clock seems stuck, I crave some acknowledgment from someone who truly understands. A supportive message from another mom in the trenches can make all the difference, reminding me that I am not alone in this journey.
If I were the praying type, I’d likely ask for more patience and resilience. But I’m not. So until the day when my life feels like my own again, I’ll cherish the good days and push through the challenging ones, hoping to avoid making headlines.
Summary
Motherhood can be incredibly overwhelming, leading to moments of fantasy about escape. It’s essential to acknowledge the difficulty of parenting and the need for support. While the love for our children keeps us grounded, there are days filled with chaos that challenge our patience. Finding camaraderie with fellow parents can help ease the burden.
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