I grew up in a charming small town, immersed in a life filled with farms, football games, and churches on every corner. The essence of small-town living runs deep, and even after moving away for college and finding my soulmate, I longed to return home for my dream wedding.
As I walked down the aisle of that Southern Baptist Church, everything seemed perfect. I wore a stunning white dress, and my husband beamed at me. Yet, amidst the joy, an unexpected emotion crept in: shame. I was in my childhood church, dressed in white, but I wasn’t the epitome of purity.
I had been raised during the height of the Purity Movement, where girls in youth groups attended True Love Waits rallies before they even reached puberty. I vividly recall a rally held in that very church, where the speaker showcased a delicate pink rose, emphasizing its beauty and purity. As it was passed around to countless hands, it wilted and lost its fragrance. The message was unmistakable: our worth was tied to our purity, and once tarnished, we were less desirable.
This culminated in an uncomfortable ceremony involving purity rings, gifted by male figures to reaffirm our commitment to remain chaste until marriage. The entire ordeal feels repulsive to me now. Though I’ve distanced myself from that toxic belief system, I still identify as a Christian and recognize the spiritual significance of sexuality — it’s a profound bond between two individuals.
However, I firmly believe the Purity Movement is a harmful and morally rigid construct that distorts young minds, and I refuse to pass down these lessons of religious abstinence to my children. Here’s why:
- Shame-Based Teachings: Instilling the belief that sexuality is only acceptable within marriage creates a breeding ground for shame and confusion. As teenagers grapple with their natural desires, the disconnect between their bodies and rigid moral standards leads to self-loathing. Instead of embracing their bodies’ natural responses, children are taught to resent them.
- Toxic Gender Double Standards: The rose analogy was directed solely at girls, reinforcing the notion that a woman’s purity is a gift for her husband, while little is said about the man’s role. The Purity Movement sets different standards for boys and girls, allowing men to explore while shaming women. A girl’s sexual curiosity is condemned, while boys are often given a free pass.
- Victim Blaming: I must share a painful truth about my past. The man who introduced me to the purity conference and later gave me a purity ring was a family member who abused me. This emphasis on sexual purity burdens victims of assault with an overwhelming sense of shame, suggesting their worth is diminished by their experiences.
- Ineffectiveness: Research shows that programs promoting abstinence-only education do not result in delayed sexual activity or reduced sexual partners among teenagers. Instead of empowering youth with knowledge and confidence, these teachings instill shame and make them less likely to seek help or contraception when needed.
So what’s the alternative? I plan to engage in honest, open conversations with my children about their bodies and sexuality, free from judgment or shame. I want them to understand consent, the emotional complexities of sexual relationships, and the importance of protection. My daughter will learn that her worth is not defined by her sexual choices, and I’ll be there to support her through every stage of her life.
While my faith shapes my values, discussions about sexuality will be rooted in love and understanding, not in shame or outdated traditions. Purity rings and judgment have no place in our family’s narrative.
For more insights on home insemination and pregnancy resources, check out this excellent article on genetics and IVF, and for practical tools, visit Make a Mom’s at-home insemination kit to empower your journey.
Summary
This reflection addresses the detrimental impact of teaching religious abstinence, highlighting feelings of shame, gender inequality, and the ineffectiveness of such teachings. It advocates for open, honest discussions about sexuality with children, emphasizing love and understanding over judgment.
Leave a Reply