“Let’s take a quick trip this weekend,” my partner excitedly proposes on a Thursday evening, his eyes sparkling with anticipation. “We can pack up the kids and find a hotel for the night. They would absolutely love it.”
He’s not wrong. The kids would indeed enjoy it, and so would I. The idea of a spontaneous mini-getaway is enticing, especially when fueled by my partner’s infectious enthusiasm. However, my logical mind swiftly kicks in, and I begin to assess the situation. I think about how much time it would take to gather everyone’s belongings and the quantity of items we’d need to bring, even for just one night.
Then, I consider the expenses involved in such a trip—gas, hotel accommodations, which would likely require a suite for our family of six, meals for everyone, entry fees for attractions, and of course, the inevitable souvenirs. Even the least expensive mementos add up quickly when you’re buying for four kids. We’ve just paid for repairs on the car, and there are costly obligations looming on the horizon.
I also reflect on the chores that would be left unattended during our absence—like the laundry piling up and a grocery list that seems to stretch on indefinitely.
“We shouldn’t go,” I assert, outlining my logical objections. My partner reluctantly agrees, understanding my perspective but visibly disappointed. I can’t help but feel that I’ve extinguished his excitement, and I despise that feeling.
He and I are quite different, and I seem to have been assigned the role of the practical one—the voice of reason. I often find myself being the one to think of the consequences and the potential pitfalls. Ironically, one of the things that initially attracted me to him was his adventurous spirit; he encouraged me to be less cautious and embrace spontaneity. I fondly recall a time we decided to go camping for a couple of nights but ended up ditching our responsibilities for an entire week.
But those were different days. Back then, we were young, fresh out of high school, without children or bills—free from the responsibilities of adult life. Although the urge to be spontaneous may still linger, the ability to indulge it has diminished significantly.
Regrettably, I often find myself the one to point this out, and I don’t take pleasure in being the family’s realist. It’s exhausting to feel like a constant wet blanket, always voicing concerns about safety and practicality. I’ve attempted to be more carefree, but every time I do, something occurs to remind me why I was cautious in the first place.
It’s challenging to act against my better judgment, especially when my instincts have proven correct more often than not. This reality only makes it harder to shake off my uptight tendencies. So here I am, perpetually the realist, dousing the flames of spontaneity.
I don’t worry that my partner will leave me for someone younger or more attractive. My fear is that he might find someone who matches his fun-loving spirit and shares in his impulsive ideas. Sometimes I share this worry with him, overwhelmed by the weight of my responsibility. I wish I could be more carefree, I tell him. I wish I could let go of the burden of caution. He always responds with a comforting smile, gently wiping my tears, and says, “If you were different, we wouldn’t complement each other as well.”
And he’s right. We balance each other out. If we were both spontaneous or both practical, we wouldn’t push one another to grow. I save our family from the fallout of his impulsive plans, while he encourages me to step outside my comfort zone, which tends to shrink as the years go by.
So, we will continue on this journey, with me as the realist and him as the dreamer. It might not always be exciting, but it works for us. Perhaps I’ll surprise him with a family weekend trip someday. Of course, I’ll secretly stash away some spending money, make reservations at the best rates, and organize everything I can ahead of time. But hey, it’s still spontaneous if he doesn’t know about all the preparations, right?
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Summary
In this personal reflection, the author discusses the challenges of being the practical partner in a marriage where spontaneity often clashes with responsibility. While recognizing the importance of balance in their relationship, she also grapples with her fears of being seen as a wet blanket. Ultimately, she embraces their differences, vowing to surprise her partner with a planned family getaway while maintaining her cautious nature.
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